Vâng, I do

Some people have a taste for unique exotic things. Some stop at collecting baseball caps from over the globe. Some hunt down traditional clothing. All the while, some find the stories of a foreign partner exciting and her original beauty un-rivaled. Yet, a cross-cultured marriage is tempting and also poses some serious challenge. Especially when it has to first deal with the eyes of a society that still suspects outsiders.

Wearing wedding rings in Vietnam

In a country where most people still make around $100 a month, there is the myth that foreigners are rich and can provide unlimited resources. Certainly not true, but it is this myth that is creating headache for many Vietnamese officials. In poverty-stricken areas, especially in the Mekong river delta, women flood to illegal matching-making centers waiting for their turn to score a Taiwanese or Korean husband. The foreigner provides a lump sum to the woman’s family, usually around $500, which is not much but quite a fortune for those that truly need it. Attempts to crack down on the illegal service have been met with clever adaptations. Many women face sub-standard living condition in their new home and some are severely abused.

That in turn creates suspicion among the locals about the true intention of a foreigner wanting to wed a Vietnamese woman as well. The sometimes-outright disdain amounts to no less than racism. People are suspicious of both partners about their devotion to each other, and government vultures have all reasons to dive in for the feast, turning a rather-supposedly-happy event into one big lengthy court battle.

There are certainly bases for the objection of the locals. One must do well to remember that for most cases, the difference of the very unique Vietnamese culture and that of a foreign land can be monumental. One extremely important aspect to consider is that the Vietnamese society is very close-knit and one has to very much respect the opinion of the community. It is not an individuality society. Some describe the Vietnamese community as a gigantic potato as compared to a bag of potatoes that is the western society. The myth does not help either as the average person just simply counts on it for his judgment. Mr. Average Nguyen may well be the father of the bride herself, and in his view, there is no shame as humiliating as being posed as someone who sells his daughter for foreign cash. So the already uphill battle may sometimes prove unwinnable.

There is no argument for the “individual choice”. If a foreigner proposes that his Vietnamese partner completely disregards her big family, it already equals to her giving up on her identity. As once-traditionally-rigid Vietnam opens up more and more to the world, some few will happily ditch the group identity, but still it is advisable that one should put an effort into persuading the family that his intention is true and that he loves their daughter with all his heart. The people can be tough, but they are warm friendly folks in nature that find all that western romance desirable too.